SW is: yay! today is my half birthday.

This status comes from a very good source who insists it is real, and not a few melodramatic haikus smashed together for effect. Here it is in full:

yay!
today is my half birthday
i cried most of today
morning was good!
then ate a slice of cookie cake from the mall
more like stuffed my face with a slice of cookie cake from the mall
and now im alone
in my apartment
with my cats.

It affected me so much. I decided to write a status message from the perspective of a eunuch.

Yay!
Today is its birthday
I cried most of the day
Evening was good!
Then ate a hard boiled egg
More like stuffed my face with many hardboiled eggs
And now I’m alone
In my chamber.
With my unneutered pitbulls.

Narcissism Rating: 6 (the original, not the eunuch's)

JF: Würde es jemanden schockieren wenn ich jetzt schriebe, dass Michael Jackson tot ist?

Forgive the mundane spirit of this status message, I mean, it’s no kelliyogimudra, but it does teach us something. Let’s dissect it. First, why are Reverend(s) Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson always popping up when things like this transpire in the black community? It’s like the way the palmetto bugs appear at every summer barbecue, vying for their piece of apple fritter. You have people like this in your own family. Grandma dies, and there’s Uncle Al and Uncle Jesse making it all about them. I mean, you haven’t seen these two since the big family reunion six years ago, and there they are usurping the spotlight, talking about all they did for granny. Did? They didn’t do shit. While you were changing her catheter, they were traveling the U.S., stirring up water to find more…water. But for some reason, all the family members gather around to hear what they have to say. Wisdom of the Elders, who, like a Pinto, were elderly the minute they got off the production line. I mean, even though one uncle has the same name, it doesn’t give him the right to go running around telling others not to commit suicide because of granny’s death. And the other uncle…the one who’s, like, barely even related, is making statements about how you’re making plans to plan the funeral that may just be a public viewing in granny’s home featuring, oh a million of her closest friends. But do you think those two will be out directing traffic, which is what’s gonna really be needed that day? Don’t bet on it.
Narcissistic Rating for all meddling people whose last names start with S and J: 10!

Special prize for anyone who can tell Hedonism Chronicles how many times the refrain, ‘we are the world,’ is made in that dumb song. Seriously. Give me your address and I’ll send you something, but no guessing.