Pj just rode 29 miles on his road bike! I killed the climb, rode Mulholland west to Sepulveda, down to Santa Monica, and back to

..Hollywood in less than 2 hours.......I need food!

Why do cyclists feel the need to FB about every locale where they've ridden? And what's with the little costume? I get that the clothes need to be sleek. And if one is a pro, there’s a uniform. But the idiots who ride around my neighborhood dress like this. And what I really love are the people who wear cycling shoes to spinning class. There is no need for efficiency of movement BECAUSE IT’S A STATIONARY BIKE. This is narcissism at its finest.

Oh, and I have a serving suggestion for PJ. What about putting a little fresh carved smoked turkey, madrigal Swiss cheese and sliced vine ripened tomatoes into that package of yours and after that 30 miles, you’ll have a nice, heated, healthy snack!
Narcissism Rating for all bicyclists: 10

DW wore cycling spandex for far too many hours today.......it's nice to be back in loose fitting cotton.....

Which brings us to the topic of today. Is there such a thing as a FUPA for men? What do you say you inundate me with comments and let me know.

PJ is eating fresh carved smoked turkey & madrigal swiss cheese with dijon mustard, sliced vine ripened tomatoes, with a little fresh serrano chile

(cont)....all toasted on Ezekial sesame bread. With an organic fuji apple on the side. Delightful healthy lunch.

LG has pointed out this alarming trend of people who have to catalog every. Single. Thing. They eat. You’re right, LG, this is annoying. It’s another way for people to show just how much better they are than you and me. If Hedonism were to status about food it would be:
Just ate an intriguing blend of variety of meat, breaded in a corn dough, delicately tempuraed, then cleverly shish-kabobed, followed by pastry fried to perfection and topped with a snowy mist of powdered sugar.
You got it. Inman Park corndog and funnel cake.
PJ Narcisstic Rating: 9
Hedonismchronicles Fat Rating: 144

These three must be read together (on Hedonismchronicles.com)

J.L. is so excited! Size 4 in abercrombie and I had a certain someone tell me how good it
looked! Mission almost accomplished! :) 4:40pm ·
J.L. fuck you and fuck this 1:52am
J.L. is upset stomach! :( 12:49pm

Thanks to N.R. for this donation with all-important time signatures. Okay, let’s have some fun.

Dr. Hedonism believes J.L. is suffering from an acute case of manic depression :) :(, has anger management issues (see 1:52 a.m), and may be a closet bulimic. Dr. Hedonism also sees delusions of grandeur, quite common in patients of the hedonismchronicles. The ‘certain someone’ is most undoubtedly the Abercrombie store clerk who is paid to tell you your fat ass looks absolutely nifty in skinny jeans.

Narcissism Rating: 10, Psychiatric Hospital address: 856 Briarcliff Road, Atlanta, Ga. 30306

R.C. is happy cause I think I got a job, but my cousin's wife died today...

Do you remember R.C., the chap below who was having a bad day because his aunt was diagnosed with terminal cancer? Well, Hedonism is delighted to tell you that the above post comes from the very same R.C.!

Do you know anyone like this? Someone who constantly has despair surrounding them like a Syliva Plath novel? “Theresa has a tumor on the bottom of her foot.” “Bethany went and committed suicide last week.” “Krista’s husband’s best friend’s uncle’s housekeeper was held up at gunpoint last night.” (WTF, can my day get any worse?) And there’s the rub. This is always happening to these people. Or, maybe, it’s happening to all of us, but we don’t use these times as opportunities for remedying our attention-starved childhoods. I’ll offer sympathy for one crisis a year (barring terrorist attacks, freak bowie knife accidents, Oceanic-815 crashes, etc.) But that’s it. After that, you’re on your own.

A.B. Is thinking Six Flags is in here near future. Roller coasters!!YAY! :-)

My friend, Andy Pearson, star of what is easily the most narcissistic show on computer, ANDYVISION, was complaining about all the people who use ‘Yay!’ in their status messages. Now, I have to admit, this is bugging Andy a bit more than me, but in the spirit of democracy, I’ll discuss it. Andy says he feels women use Yay! more than men, so to find out, I did a quick analysis of Twitter. Out of twenty Yay! statii, fourteen were from women (one of whom was middle-aged) four from men (one in sarcasm) one was from a gender-neutral name, and one from a dog (gender unspecified). So, Andy may have a point there. But in defense of Yay!ing women all over, are we not raised to think that the cheerleader is sexually superior to the soccer player? And what is the cheerleader’s mantra? Yep, Yay! Furthermore, are women not brought up to be cute? Cute pink rooms, cute dresses, cute lambs and duckies and dollies (wearing cute pink dresses with lambs and duckies). All of this leads to a cute Yay! encouraged by Mommy and Daddy alike.

Now, I’m all for a change. In many areas. Let’s start with something that’s been bugging me even more than Andy is bothered by Yay!. How come I see so many more men get ahead in advertising over their equally-talented female counterparts? I know what you’re thinking, I’m hopping on some feminist bandwagon here. But, okay, let me hop for a second. I know four fucking unbelievable female copywriters who are out of work right now. Their equally or lesser talented male counterparts are all working. Why is this? Because it’s socially more acceptable for men to be funny, and advertising is a funny business. Most women do not have a Don Draper advocate on their side to advance their careers. In fact, I bet if we looked at Andy’s company, we’d find that the majority of the creatives are male. Men like the company of men for tossing around jokes about pussy and scrotum. However, the women I know are equally raunchy. But, there’s something a little jarring about a woman who says things like, “was your momma hot when your head was popping out of her vag?“ Yet, perfectly understandable for a man to push the envelope in this way. Of course, the two years both sexes spend in ad school tends to level the playing field. Women get verbally dirtier, men get more accustomed to it. But I think there’s still a barrier to entry out there in the creative field for women. Something that whispers that a woman is good, but not quite as good as a man.

Then, there’s the whole way women get confused about using their sexuality instead of their talent. I hate to see a really good female creative sleep with someone because she thinks that’s getting her ahead in the game. It doesn’t. It creates a bad reputation no matter how many people are not talking. Sleep with someone because you mean it and want it. Not because you think that person is going to help you get a job.

Hedonism is tired now. Yay.

MM is Enjoying a dinner of rich steel cut oats with mango, strawberry, banana, acai and kombucha smoothie. Much deserved after tough yoga class.

This goes on:
Best bowl of cereal ever - organic pomegranate and whole grain grapenuts with fresh strawberries, blueberries and bananas. Yummy!
Enjoying an afternoon cup of Mandarin Orange Spice Herbal Tea
Had zaru soba and mirugai sushi for lunch
Having a mango, raspberry, blackberry, strawberry, banana and blood orange smoothie...sooo goood!

Now you guys know Hedonism is loosely connected to advertising, right? While I’m fascinated by the power marketing has over people, I can be very disturbed by people who seem to be living their lives like it’s one giant television spot, then Twittering about it. Can’t you just see her, leaning back in a chair, drinking down that smoothie, then wiping her mouth with the back of her hand exhaling an exuberant ‘ahhhh!’. And why must we learn of everything she eats throughout the day? Classic narcissism. She’s saying, ‘look at me!’ I’m healthy! I’m like the Special K babe only I’m the Grape Nuts babe eating shit no one else wanted in the health food store. Yes! I’m the one person they have to keep acai in stock for (besides, possibly, Andy Pearson)' And what’s up with these near orgasmic exclamations? Yesssss, put your kombucha there. Right there. Mmmmm. Sooo goood!

As an aside, Wikipedia defines kombucha as: A culture containing a symbiosis of Acetobacter (acetic acid bacteria) and yeast. The culture itself looks somewhat like a large pancake, and though often called a mushroom, a Mother of vinegar or by the acronym SCOBY (for "Symbiotic Colony of Bacteria and Yeast"), it is clinically known as a zoogleal mat.

Don’t let anyone tell you HedonismChronicles isn’t educational.

Author's Note:

Fuck you, Facebook for changing the status criteria to, ‘what’s on your mind?’ Gone are the days of “Hedonism is hamster died today and now I can’t find my keys.” Luckily, we still have assholes using ‘u’ for ‘you’ so all is not grammatically lost.

Speaking of bad days….and cancer for that matter…take a look at this one:

R.C. REALLY"??!! Now my aunt has terminal cancer. I mean, come the fuck on! Can my day get worse?!!

R.C., you are obviously not a fan of Hedonism Chronicles. If you were, you would realize your aunt’s cancer is not about you. Let me put on my Dr. Phil fat suit for a moment and explain. Your aunt’s cancer will affect you, no doubt, but perhaps we should use these two lines to think about her. Cancer, as we’ll see in the posts below, is no joke. Chemo, radiation, it makes one very sick. If I were to put on my Dr. Laura wig, I’d say this is a good time to send out a global prayer.

So, R.C., what are you trying to accomplish with this overly-punctuated post? Let me put on my Dr. Freud beard for a second and say this, I think we experience a constant paradox of wanting to keep our lives private until something painful is happening. In real life, people will balk when you answer the question’ how are you,’ with, ‘not too great, my aunt was diagnosed with cancer today.” Shitty, I know. So perhaps, the problem isn’t R.C.’s post, but American society in general. I challenge you all to say something honest today, live and in person, and watch the fun. For example, ‘how are you, Hedonsim?’ can be answered with, ‘I’m bleeding so much between my legs that I fear I’m going to need a transfusion.’

This is going to be interesting.
Narcissistic Rating: 10! 10! 10!

David is praying for a friends boobies. Not what u think. She has a biopsy tomorrow.

Actually, David, it is exactly what I think, that you’re taking a woman’s biopsy as a moment to be clever. You, my dear, are about as funny as a man playing with his scrotum who notices a difference in the size and shape. Here’s a good one you might like, David – a man walks into the doctor’s and the doctor says, “I’m going to have to remove your entire affected testicle through the groin.” Oh my god, that’s funny! And this one always gets them howling down at Rotary – man walks into a bar, and says, “I’ve got carcinogens that’ve spread beyond the lymph nodes to remote sites in my body” and the bartender says, “that’s otherwise known as Stage III cancer, and you’re going to die!”

So I end by saying:
Hedonism is praying for a friends nutsack. Not what u think. He’s having it surgically excised tomorrow.
Narcissistic Rating: 10 Insensitivity Rating: 10

I do have a rule of thumb - if I give it is from my heart, not from my conscious, I give because I need to give...

Oh boy. Hedonism Chronicles just took a turn for the weird. So, none of you cats have sent me any statii. What am I to do, but mine Twitter (thanks, Hunterino). So, I find the above status, and I’m thinking this will be some nice Care Bear junkie and we can all have a few laughs. But of course that’s not how it goes. She’s pimped out her Twitter page (why do people do this?) with a tiled picture of her in some sort of lingerie. The scan looks like it’s been through the washing machine while she clearly does not. But it gets even weirder:
• I make my own compost already, and I live in an apartment...yay me, I make compost! LOL...I have the recipe too if anyone wants it.

You wear cheap lingerie and cook up compost? But when you’re not worrying about Mother Earth, you’re….

• Ya'll, the one thing I thought I would never have to do is call Arnold Schwarzenegger regarding my unemployment benefits.

Believe me, he’s got bigger fish to fry, and apparently you do, too…

• For me, I will do my best to donate money to all the Food banks that have helped me until now. And programs that have helped me pay bills.

And apparently bought you a computer which you are abusing as much as your John’s dicks…

• By the way...I guess if twitters click on my twit page, they see a very provocative image of myself, for the record I am very intelligent.

Sure you are! And I’m paying for medical school with my adult dance career. Let’s end with this endearing little jewel…

• My followers - while chatting with an obssessed fan, I like it, it is cute, now I know its tweet not twit, but hope no one minds I use twit!

And…scene.