Ommmm Baby Ommmm - A Look Into The Mind of A Yogi

I just want to take a moment to thank all of you who send me status messages. This blog is best when the material comes from you. For example, the string of lunacy below that was sent to us by TAS. Let’s get to know Kelliyogimudra through her overly revealing status messages, shall we?

Kelliyogimudra......wants someone to make her tea and find the perfect music to go along with this super-fun morning.
That’s nice, Kelli. Although, I think one of the tenants of being a ‘yogi’ is to be able to wait on yourself. Go to the CD player, pick out some Shanti/Ashtangi (For you, I recommend track number eight on Madonna’s Ray of Light Album) then hop into the kitchen and boil up some water. You can do this, Kelliyogimudra. I believe in you.

Kelliyogimudra thought it was kinda cute how crestfallen the payroll specialist looked when she mentioned her fiancee. Tee hee.
I was enlightened to the fact that Kelli is speaking in the third person here. This point-of-view change, well, it changes everything. See, we’re led to believe that the payroll specialist is a woman speaking of her fiancée. But alas, our little yogi is speaking about herself. And the payroll specialist is male. The complexity of sentence structure is inadvertently Faulkneresque. And definitely narcissistic.

Kelliyogimudra is entirely amused by this whole "drop dead diva" shoot tomorrow. Casting guy's instructions? "Bring a few changes of yoga wear and look beautiful." Bwahaha.
Bwahaha? Better check those chakras, Kelli, I think you just turned into an evil world ruler with a pot-belly and a cat. Or is it that you’re saying that a few changes of yoga wear and looking-beautiful are de rigueur for you and not something you have to overthink? Either way, thanks for using the status message to insinuate that you’re a drop dead diva. As if we didn’t already know.

Kelliyogimudra: being accused of not working hard enough because my 'bonus' (which I do not get) is not tied to productivity of the studio is RIDICULOUS. If I were in this for the money, I'd be long friggin' gone by now.
Oh boy. Something just went rather Al Qaedea in Kelli’s brain.

You’re walking on dangerous water here, Kelli. Allow me to be your Status Message Guru, and explain. You’ve used the status message to tell us you wanted someone to wait on you, to insinuate that you’re desirable to the payroll specialist, and to flaunt your role in a divaesque photoshoot. But now you’re telling us – and more importantly, your boss – that you’re unhappy with your job. Dear, the world wide web is world wide; its tentacles can reach places you may not desire.

Breathe, KelliYogi. You're sitting in a field of daisies, there's a light breeze...and your ass is in the unemployment line with the rest of America.
Narcissism Rating:10, Faux Yogi Rating: 10

DB: Had to watch the first episode of the Hills on the net cos she was out bbq-ing it up with the gang :] Shopping today! Woooooooo

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cyclinggal: after a relaxing weekend of gluten-free baking, I'm now feeling better and cycling again!

Do you see a trend here? Cyclists love to eat. And they love to Twitter about what they’ve eaten, then the fact that they’ve cycled it all off. I think it’s time we call Dr. Hedonism in for a medical opinion.

Dr. Hedonism says, “cyclists tend to have deep-seeded feelings of guilt. Nine out of ten were abusive as children and engaged in the behaviors of tearing wings off lighting bugs and plucking whiskers out of catfish. Most were also coached by their mothers to view food as sinful. Therefore, they will be unable to separate exercise from the act of eating, and will find it impossible to do one without the other.”


CycleFreak Cycling to work ... it's the only way to travel - 61°F at 7am! Hitting 80 later on - Love it, lu-uh-uh-uv IT!
Many cyclists also suffer from a mild form of stutter.

Ceri is looking for a Wacom fitness tablet with built in cycling feature which also incorporates a PS , illustrator, 3d hybrid type software
Wrong type of cyclist. But Hedonism also wants one of those Wacoms and someone to teach her how to use it.

Y2Love: Mary Kate Olsen Cycling around East Village, New York.
Mary Kate Olsen is hot.

NJ: Good work with the cycling! A little over 20kph is a respectable steady pace. How's the, em, ... 'undercarriage'? Tender?
Who the fuck are you talking to? You’re Twittering, not on the telephone. Know the difference.


Yoadriene: I can't believe u saw Lance Armstrong! I'm so jealous! I'm a cyclist & would love to meet him! I sat near Lohan's X @ lunch…
Oh god. Can you imagine how many people talk to Lance Armstrong about cycling? It would be like stalking Dr. Hedonism in a bar and wanting to talk about armchair psychology. And I can’t let the Lohan ex name-drop go without mention. It’s like saying, “I saw Jane Fonda’s grandchild yesterday.” Who gives a rat’s ass?

Narcissism Rating for all cyclists: 10

Pj just rode 29 miles on his road bike! I killed the climb, rode Mulholland west to Sepulveda, down to Santa Monica, and back to

..Hollywood in less than 2 hours.......I need food!

Why do cyclists feel the need to FB about every locale where they've ridden? And what's with the little costume? I get that the clothes need to be sleek. And if one is a pro, there’s a uniform. But the idiots who ride around my neighborhood dress like this. And what I really love are the people who wear cycling shoes to spinning class. There is no need for efficiency of movement BECAUSE IT’S A STATIONARY BIKE. This is narcissism at its finest.

Oh, and I have a serving suggestion for PJ. What about putting a little fresh carved smoked turkey, madrigal Swiss cheese and sliced vine ripened tomatoes into that package of yours and after that 30 miles, you’ll have a nice, heated, healthy snack!
Narcissism Rating for all bicyclists: 10

DW wore cycling spandex for far too many hours today.......it's nice to be back in loose fitting cotton.....

Which brings us to the topic of today. Is there such a thing as a FUPA for men? What do you say you inundate me with comments and let me know.

PJ is eating fresh carved smoked turkey & madrigal swiss cheese with dijon mustard, sliced vine ripened tomatoes, with a little fresh serrano chile

(cont)....all toasted on Ezekial sesame bread. With an organic fuji apple on the side. Delightful healthy lunch.

LG has pointed out this alarming trend of people who have to catalog every. Single. Thing. They eat. You’re right, LG, this is annoying. It’s another way for people to show just how much better they are than you and me. If Hedonism were to status about food it would be:
Just ate an intriguing blend of variety of meat, breaded in a corn dough, delicately tempuraed, then cleverly shish-kabobed, followed by pastry fried to perfection and topped with a snowy mist of powdered sugar.
You got it. Inman Park corndog and funnel cake.
PJ Narcisstic Rating: 9
Hedonismchronicles Fat Rating: 144

These three must be read together (on Hedonismchronicles.com)

J.L. is so excited! Size 4 in abercrombie and I had a certain someone tell me how good it
looked! Mission almost accomplished! :) 4:40pm ·
J.L. fuck you and fuck this 1:52am
J.L. is upset stomach! :( 12:49pm

Thanks to N.R. for this donation with all-important time signatures. Okay, let’s have some fun.

Dr. Hedonism believes J.L. is suffering from an acute case of manic depression :) :(, has anger management issues (see 1:52 a.m), and may be a closet bulimic. Dr. Hedonism also sees delusions of grandeur, quite common in patients of the hedonismchronicles. The ‘certain someone’ is most undoubtedly the Abercrombie store clerk who is paid to tell you your fat ass looks absolutely nifty in skinny jeans.

Narcissism Rating: 10, Psychiatric Hospital address: 856 Briarcliff Road, Atlanta, Ga. 30306