Alice is: brought way too many skanky clothes back to athens.

Alice, why did you do this? Or, rather, why did you tell us about it? I believe I know. Shhhh. Guess what, dear readers, Alice wants to get laid. She’s thinking, if enough members of SAE see this then they’ll know I’ll be dressed to partaay, possibly in gold pants and tube top. Someone with a first name that’s a last name, like Miller or Taylor, will give me too many hunch punches, and oops, I’ll be drunk. Mill will grab my ass which will lead to me waking up in a room, that smells of beer and socks and I’ll be using an old cum towel to wipe away my tears.

Or, it could just mean that she didn’t pack very efficiently. Narcissism Rating: 2

"KT feels better, and slept in all alone.....much needed!!!!"

K.T., see blog post for K.S. below. Narcissistic Rating: 8

D.A..can legit feel the insides of her stomach touching one another.....WHY IN THE WORLD AM I STARVING ON FAT TUESDAY???!! Off to do something ab it!

You all know I don’t edit these, right? Spelling and syntax errors, they go right on the blog. As L.D., the provider of this post says, ‘This one is so riddled with either straight stupidity or such complexity that I can't help but wonder if I'm missing something’. I have to agree. If D.A. can’t handle the logistics of a simple status message, imagine her behind the wheel of a car. Narcissistic Rating: ?

K S is tired from getting broken up with in midddle of the night... AGAIN!

Oh, poor K.S., she doesn’t know the meaning of overshare. Or correct spelling, for that matter. K.S., no one is going to want to date you with status messages like that. Seriously, guys, isn’t this the same as that girl you take out who spends the whole evening talking about how she can’t find the right person, code for – you fucked up in taking this girl out because no one takes this girl out, that’s why she can’t find the right person. Narcissistic Rating: 10

G. T. is Urf! Sicky tummy again? Really??

Okay, read that aloud in your highest, whiniest, two-year old voice. Go ahead, no one’s looking. Good! Now I made you appear as foolish as M.T. I’m dizzy with power. But you did that as a favor to me while G.T. did it on her own. Self-will and statusing gone horribly awry. Narcissistic Rating: 10.

K.B. has to put a dollar in a jar every time a bad word flies out of my mouth...guess I will need to be more creative on how to express my strong-

willed thoughts.
K.B., don’t do it! Don’t let the Christian right-wing fundamentalists take away your right, nay, duty, to have a fucking filthy mouth (but if you like, you can toss some of that dough to me, I deserve it for putting up with these posts of yours).

M.A. Award-winning author Patricia McKissack (I wrote the introduction to her newest children's book) will be in ATL on Fri & Sat for events.

There are some people who deserve a whole section of this blog to themselves, (W.T. comes to mind) and some friends who could be writing this blog for me. This post comes from L.G. (or L.L. after the divorce is finalized). She has a comment, 'were the parenthesis necessary?' Well, yes, L.G., they were. See, we're starting to learn a lot about people through the Blog O' Narcissism. Mainly, that people use the status message to say the things they're dying to tell you at a cocktail party, but they know they'd come off as giant turds. M.A. was raised to be a humble American, meaning he would never, in mixed company, say something so supercilious or he'd be laughed out of town. I'm laughing now. Once again, M.A. gets the Narcissistic Rating of: 10.

L.B.G. is off to find the flasher again with John and the dogs. This is a fun family outing. He struck again yesterday while we were looking for him!

I'm more in love with these than my source, L.D. L.D. says, 'it might be of note that the two dogs in question are not drug- sniffing pitbulls or FBI-trained Dobermans, but a fierce duo of one wiener puppy and some sort of chihuahua mix.' Which makes one ponder, what the hell are these people going to do if they find the flasher/child molester? "Oh, hey there, Guy (these guys are always white, and you always call white guys, 'Guy'), we were just wondering, um, if you could, yeah, put the one-eyed wonder worm right back, go ahead and zip him right up in there, and if you don't mind, could you not flash/touch little Caitlyn anymore? It's kinda giving her nightmares. Okay, Lates." Narcissistic Rating: 4

L.B.G. is ahh! There's a child predator in near our neighborhood...we're so on stake out tonight. (before the bachelor of course).

Now, I have to admit I kinda like this one. I appreciate anyone who puts The Bachelor ahead of their kids’ safety. I can only imagine how these people look on a stakeout, black turtlenecks from Kohl’s and a plethora of Almond Joys in case the stalking takes them through the dinner hour. Narcissistic Rating: 3, Entertainment Rating: 9

F.E. can't get enough of her own family photos!!! My parents are just SO cute!

Your parents are cute? You think Momma and Daddy were cute when they were doing the nasty to conceive you? Was momma cute when your head was popping out of her vag? Wait, my mistake, they are cute, present tense. Meaning they’re cute wearing their black turtlenecks from Kohl’s and eating Almond Joys on a stakeout for a child predator. Yes, F.E., I think I agree. Your parents are cute! Narcisstic Rating: 10

A.P. wonders how many of her friends she can infect with the knitting bug... :D.

Ah, L.P., you overestimate your leadership potential. Ten years from now, when you’re sitting in a nest of woolen scarf, attempting to dial your phone through woolen mittens, and wearing one of those orange and brown woolen vests, you’ll see why none of your friends were infected by the knitting bug. :D Narcisstic Rating: 8

T.B.S. really hopes all her friends & EVERY Realtor comes to RW's at 6pm to support the American Cancer Society & Relay for Life. If you don't, I'll

be disgusted w/ u!!

First, I’ve got to say that I detest the use of initials for words. Prince, Kelly Clarkson, and T.B.S. – you all suck. Second, let’s look at the logistics here. If EVERY Realtor (why are these letters capitalized?) comes to R.W.’s…well, let’s just say I’m betting R.W. doesn’t have enough tapenade to handle the Million Dollar Club. But watch out, Realtors, if you don’t attend, you will fall out of A.V.S.’s good graces and that would indeed be a shame. Narcissistic Rating: 9

MC: hates that she feels like she has to update her status all of the time; it's annoying!

Well M.C., no one is forcing you. If you stop I promise no one will die. Narcissism Rating: 8, yep, 8.

M.K. couldn't make her heater turn on, and then she realized it wasn't plugged in!!! :P I think it's going to be one of those days. Oh well,

That one ended with 'off to church'. Because God reads Facebook. And now that you've written that, you've got to go to Sunday service or you'll find yourself in that circle of hell reserved for Facebook liars, of which you are definitely one. Now, let's talk about the heater – M.K.'s little attempt at self-deprecation. Can't you just see the giggle and hiccup, indicated by the emoticon used only by M.K. and thirteen year-old girls. Narcissism Rating: 4 (wait, God says 5) Narcissism Rating: 5

M.A. is finished with his run through the vineyard, is sitting at the Bouchon Bakery drinking a latte, eating a croissant, and reading the Times.

Hey buddy, roll up that New York Times and start hitting yourself in the head with it because there's a WASP that needs killin'. Narcissistic Rating: 10; Pretentious Rating: 10; Whale-shorts-tassle-loafer-gold-button-blue-blazer-wearing-mother-fucker Rating: 10

C.E. is headed out for a 20 miler. FB 2/21/09

This was provided to me by the great A. Johnston and I am forever grateful. It's status artistry in eight words. Let's break it down. C.E. 'is headed out'. Not left yet. Still time to stop C.E., which might go something like this: 'C.E., don't do it, don't head out for that 20 miler. You risk heart attack, shin splints, foolishness in shorts that are cut so high everyone can see your skinny white ass.' C.E. responds, 'I must go. Twenty miles. Chased by nothing, but the heart, the wind, and an infinite need to tell you how athletic I am in my Facebook status." Narcissism rating: 9

L.W. Is getting ready for mommy baby pilates and then Phipps Plaza. (FB 2/19/09)

This is really of interest to no one but DFACS. So, you're dragging your infant out to be manipulated into a corkscrew, then you're assaulting her with a high-end shopping mall. Don't be surprised when she's pigeon-toed and has a severe distaste for The Gap at thirteen. Narcissism rating: 7

L.G. is working. FB 2/21/08

This is Lara's pet peeve, and I agree with her. Why, out of all the possible words, thoughts, and emotions, you waste my time and yours by just saying you're working? Seriously, you have eight out of twenty-four hours where you are probably working. And it's what we do a lot of in this country. This isn't such an amazing state that it needs to be statusized. Socrates, bored out of his mind in prison, did better than this. Narcissism rating: 2 Special Boring Rating: 10

M.A.S. knows her Calculus. It says U+Me=US..... So smart.. FB 2/20/09

Okay, MM, that's arithmetic, not calculus. I doubt you even know what calculus is, but you want to use the term to appear intelligent. Narcissism rating: 6

S. E. is proud of Si for going pee pee in his potty! (FB 2/29/09)

People with kids are so self-absorbed. First, S.E., stop using baby talk, your kid can't read this, and if he could, he'd be terribly embarrassed that you're discussing his bathroom habits with PEOPLE WHO DON'T CARE. Narcissism rating: 6

I.R. is vroom vroom the pa'rty sta'rta (FB 02.19.09)

I.R., you're white, aren't you? Narcissism rating: 3

S.B. is thanks 2 all the dear friends who came out 2 celebrate my B-Day with me! Holly, Payton, Anna D., Mallory, Anna V., Amy B., Christine P., Abbi,

Here's what I bet happened....Her boyfriend broke up with her, she wants to use her status to prove she's not sitting home crying into a candle (something I've done myself). Narcissism rating: 10

C. is emotionally raw, and bad at controlling it. (G-chat 02/19/09)

Send in the professional mourners. This chick needs attention and she needs it NOW. Emotionally raw? Tell it to your therapist. Narcissism rating: 8

25 Things of Remarkable Narcissism

Don't get me wrong. I'm as narcissistic as anyone. If given half a chance, I'd stare at my beautiful mug in the water for hours, too. One could argue that my affiliations with Twitter, Facebook and Blogspot are the very essence of narcissism. But I do draw the line. I have no 25 Bullshit Things About Me. I mean, do you really care? Unless you're a student stalking me, and so few do nowadays, you don't give a shit about 25 of my thoughts. 

I used to use my blog page to write tediously long rants about my bosses on the Air Force Reserve account.  I have little to complain about nowadays, so I'm going to dedicate it, at least for awhile, to your idiotic status messages. 

I'm not saying that I don't have idiotic status messages. I do. But mostly they're titles Lara and I are  trying out for out for our new animation - Swamp Pussy. But don't worry, if I post a particularly sappy status message, it's going on the blog. 

So, enjoy what our friends think the world should know about them.